dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
