He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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