I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
