I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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