I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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