do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
