She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
