watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
