Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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