We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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