I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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