why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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