is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
