You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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