note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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