Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
