Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
