I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
