Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
