You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
