I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I currently don't understand fingers.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
