have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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