that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
