come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
