Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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