you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it's like heaven, but drunker
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
