I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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