so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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