I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
