Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
