also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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