That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
