this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize