Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
