Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
