and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
