how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
