Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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