Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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