On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
