My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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