I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
