I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
