brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
