Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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