Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
