Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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