I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
