So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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