you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
