The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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