Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
