she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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