pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
