end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
