I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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