If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she looked like the before picture.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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