Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
