Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
