their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
