All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
