yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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