just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
