Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it glows. i had to have it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
