Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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