saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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