My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made him laugh his dick is mine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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