he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
