At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
