I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
