I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
