She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
