Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize