Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
