i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
